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Post by max on Aug 2, 2009 0:44:49 GMT -5
Grinning at Bobby’s comment, Max’s eyes gazed at his wife and the happiness he felt for being able to call family all those in the room shined through his eyes. Giving a playful to his wife, his gaze then settled on Ben.
The boy seemed different, he acted shy, something Max hadn’t ever seen him do before. It seemed something tormented him…and in that subject Max was more familiar than he wished. Deep down he still blamed himself for the deaths he had committed while he was possessed and no matter how many lives he managed to save, no matter how many demons he managed to send back to hell or how many nasty creatures he had killed…the blood of innocents was still on his hand and his memory. It wasn’t something he wished for the boy.
Lexi had told him what had happened with the werewolf and how it had ended. If it was already too much for a grown man to face, what to say about a kid? Sure, Ben was more prepared than the regular kid, but theory and practice were two completely different subjects.
Stepping slightly away from Lexi, he moved to the young boy and gave a quick smile to his newborn son. “Ben, I need to stretch my legs for a bit…I think that after all this time sleeping on a chair at the hospital I really need that. Want to join me for a little walk?”
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Post by Ben Braeden on Aug 4, 2009 21:48:40 GMT -5
Ben just stood there, looking down at the baby in his arms. He had felt an instant bond as soon as he'd seen him, and the drive to watch over him was already there. Though this baby wasn't his blood-relative, he was family to him, a little brother, just as Lexi, Max, and Bobby were family to him.
Looking up when her heard Max step towards him, he watched the man move over to him and Bastian, and saw him smile at the baby, causing him to look back down at him.
“Ben, I need to stretch my legs for a bit…I think that after all this time sleeping on a chair at the hospital I really need that. Want to join me for a little walk?”
Ben looked up at him, thinking about what he'd just said and asked. Talking to Max was something that always made Ben feel better. He was one of the only people that ever just talked to him, it made him feel like he COULD talk to Max, be open with him. This time though, he wondered if even Max could help him deal.
Taking a deep breath, he looked down at Bastian, then looked back towards Max, speaking quietly.
"Um... Yeah... Sure... I'll walk with you..."[/b]
Turning to Bobby, he handed the little baby back over to him, then turning back to Max, he sighed lightly, looking down at his little black biker boots, then slightly back up at him.
"Okay.. I'm ready..."[/b]
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Post by max on Aug 4, 2009 22:30:54 GMT -5
Max had never seen that look in Ben’s eyes before, he always was the fun loving, witty kid and now he seemed shy and depressed and that worried him. The boy might not be related to him, but the dark haired hunter didn’t care about it. For him, Ben was family, as simple as that.
And so he walked out of the house, walking silently for a moment towards the pond in the back of the property while the boy followed. He had a fair idea of what he was going through, he might have been older when that demon possessed him and destroyed any illusion he had, but still he could understand what the boy felt. Even that Max wasn’t responsible for his actions while under possession, he still felt guilty and ashamed that he hadn’t been able to prevent the demon from using him to kill. He was the last thing that innocent family, and surely for then, his was the face of their murderer.
“Listen Ben, Lexi told me about what happened the other day with the werewolf…” he said struggling to find the right way to approach. He didn’t want to pressure the boy, but maybe a nudge would get him talking about that night.
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked him directly. He knew it probably wasn’t something easy for him to talk about. After all those years it was still difficult for Max to speak about the time he had been possessed and the only person he ever told about it was his wife. For him it had been his greatest failure, he hadn’t been strong enough to stop it, and even now he blamed himself. He didn’t want Ben to go through the same ordeal as him.
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Post by Ben Braeden on Aug 4, 2009 23:05:53 GMT -5
Ben followed after Max as he walked out of the house, looking at his feet as he walked. He knew what this was about, and it was only a matter of time before it was brought up.
He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do after what had happened. It had been a werewolf, it had wanted to kill them, and when Lexi went into labor, he had to do what he had to do to protect the people he cared about from that monster.
But he wasn't a monster...
That was the thought that went through Ben's mind over and over. He didn't picture the werewolf when he thought about that night, he pictured what had happened when he shot the man, the thing that he wasn't sure anyone else had payed attention to.
“Listen Ben, Lexi told me about what happened the other day with the werewolf…”
Ben's heart practically skipped a beat when he heard Max say that. He had known it was coming, and yet it still wsan't something he was fully prepared to hear. His whimpered lightly under his breath as the word "werewolf" brought the flashes back to his mind once again.
He saw Lexi freaking out, and Jo frantically trying to crank the vehicle, and then, he heard the loud bang of the gun being fired, and the pained cry of the werewolf. Then, as he looked down and realized that he'd been the one to shoot him, he dropped the gun back onto the seat, looking up and out to the man standing there, his breathing coming out in choking sobs as blood came from his mouth, both his hands covering his heart, blood soaking his shirt. He wasn't a monster, he was a scared, confused, and thanks to Ben, dying man. Ben looked horrified as the looked at eachother, the mans eyes looking to Ben accusingly as he took his last breath, falling back. Then, he could still hear the disgusting thud of the tires running over him as Jo backed over him...
Taking deep breaths, Ben tried to control himself, but he just felt like he was going to throw up. He felt sick, disgusted with himself. He was a murderer, he had killed that poor man.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Ben froze, not taking another step forward after Max asked that. Talk about it? What was there to talk about? He had shot and killed a man, not a werewolf, a man, at least that's how he saw it.
"I don't... I don't know...."[/b]
As he spoke, he couldn't help but feel himself slightly tear up. He felt like such a bitch. He shouldn't feel this way. He wanted to be a hunter, part of him still wanted that, but... He didn't see it as having killed a monster, he just saw that man, staring directly at him, as he took his last breath.
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Post by max on Aug 4, 2009 23:28:58 GMT -5
Max looked back at Ben with his concern for the boy obvious in his eyes. He didn’t like pushing it, but he knew if it wasn’t for Lexi pushing him to talk about why he had trouble sleeping at night, he doubted he would tell her willingly. But he was glad she did, otherwise he knew if he hadn’t told her, inevitably that would create a gap between them and he couldn’t imagine his life without her in it.
So he stopped in his tracks and walked back to the kid, placing his hand lightly in the boy’s shoulder. “Listen Ben, I know that it must be difficult for you. Trust me, I understand that. But what you did…I know that must have been hard…but you did what you had to do to save those you cared about.”
Then kneeling next to Ben, Max could see that there was a part of him that was blaming himself for killing the werewolf. “You had no choice Ben, it was kill or be killed situation…” completely different from…you know, killing a family of innocents. “You are free of blame. What you did saved your life, Jo and Lexi’s, even Sebastian’s. You were very brave…and I have to say, you’re my hero for saving them.”
Forcing a reassuring smile to the boy, Max gave a light squeeze on his shoulder. “I’m not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to. You can talk when you feel like…but I guess what I’m trying to say is…thanks saving the girls and Bastian. I don’t know where I would be without all of you.”
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Post by Ben Braeden on Aug 4, 2009 23:57:43 GMT -5
Ben just stood there, the event of that night playing in his head over and over again, causing him to cringe. He hated this feeling, like he was a bad person. Was he? Was all this his fault? What had happened to his mom even? Had he caused all this?
Part of him knew it was stupid to blame himself, but part of him felt like it really was his fault. He felt like he just attracted evil for some reason.
Closing his eyes when he heard Max's footsteps, he choked back the tears that had threatened to fall before, trying to put on a tough act in front of the man, though he couldn't help but cringe lightly when he felt his hand on his shoulder.
“Listen Ben, I know that it must be difficult for you. Trust me, I understand that. But what you did…I know that must have been hard…but you did what you had to do to save those you cared about.”
Ben heard what Max was saying, and knew he was right. If he hadn't killed that man, he would have killed Lexi, and the at the time unborn Bastian, Jo, and her unborn kids, and him. But, all Ben could see was the horror and accusation in that man's eyes as he looked at him, as he died.
"But.. I..."[/b] Ben tried to speak, but everytime he tried to get a word out, he just felt more and more upset, and more sick.
He could see Max kneel beside him from the corner of his eye, and part of him told him to turn to the man, to talk to him, but he still couldn't bring himself to do it.
“You had no choice Ben, it was kill or be killed situation… You are free of blame. What you did saved your life, Jo and Lexi’s, even Sebastian’s. You were very brave…and I have to say, you’re my hero for saving them.”
Hearing those words, Ben finally turned and looked directly at Max, shocked that he had just said that. Could he really mean it? Had Ben, even though he had been forced to kill that innocent man, really been some kind of hero? Had he really been brave?
Ben saw the smile Max gave him, felt him give his shoulder a light squueze, and though he had made him feel better with what he had just said, he still felt sick at the thought of what he'd done. He felt like a monster.
“I’m not going to force you to talk about it if you don’t want to. You can talk when you feel like…but I guess what I’m trying to say is…thanks saving the girls and Bastian. I don’t know where I would be without all of you.”
Thinking about all Max had said to him, Ben felt himself tear up again, but, at the same time, felt all the guilt swell up in him again. Without even realizing he had, he had started crying lightly. As he cried though, all he could see in his mind was that man, staring at him, dying slowly, because of him, because he had shot him. With all this, he finally broke down, finally began saying what he'd kept bottled up, his words coming out jumbled in between sobs.
"I didn't mean to kill him.... I didn't... I swear.... I thought... He was a monster... A werewolf.... He was going to hurt us... He was going to hurt Lexi... And the baby... I had to protect them.... But... I killed that man... And... He was.... He was... He just looked at me.... I... And then when Jo.... I'm sorry... I'm sorry...."[/b]
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Post by max on Aug 5, 2009 21:01:26 GMT -5
Max watched as Ben broke into tears and it caused a heft sting on his heart. He could understand the boy, but he couldn’t tell Ben what had happened with him. But how could he explain that to the kid he cared about as if he was his son, without revealing that he himself was a murderer even if not in control of his actions.
“Ben, you’re not the bad guy, trust me. He tried to kill two pregnant women and a young boy, he was a monster…no…no matter if he couldn’t control himself at the time…” he said those words, even so they were extremely painful to say. “If there was anything human left in him, he was thankful to you in the end from stopping him from killing you all.”
With his brow furrowed with concern and his own guilty mixed both for the event on his past and for not being there at the time, Max gave Ben a tight hug. Deep down he felt like a hypocrite, for him he was as guilty as that werewolf was for his actions and still he dared to hope to be a hero to atone for his past. For some time now, he had managed to bury those memories deep down, but time hadn’t faded them even a little. It still hurt him like it did all those years ago and he wished with all his might that Ben wouldn’t have to live feeling that same way.
Those memories had a powerful hold over him, and they came dangerously close to the point of breaking Max. But he knew he had to hold on, for Sebastian, For Lexi and for Ben. They deserved better and his love for then was what kept him going.
“You did something many grown man wouldn’t have the guts to do. Trust me Ben, you’re a hero.”
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